I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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