Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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