Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
