The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
