Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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