Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize