Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if only i could text you this smell
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
