i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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