Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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