I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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