just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
