i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
