My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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