Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
