Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
