he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
