bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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