man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
