Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
