final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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