party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
