Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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