ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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