Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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