he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
