Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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