I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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