every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize