I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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