I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
