just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
