The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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