I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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