I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
