you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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