She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
