dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
