well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
