if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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