so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
