ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
