I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
