How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
