Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
