I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
