I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
