her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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