it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
