So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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