Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
be right there i have to get my cape
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
