oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
