Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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