i jhust puked up my retainher.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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