I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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