Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
