Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
