We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
