Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
