We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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