She went from zero to smokin in five shots
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We have started to decorate penises.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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