...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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