Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That accounts for only three of the penises
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
