The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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