Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
