you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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