If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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