So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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