i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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