im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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