my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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