That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we're making bets on your personal life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
