does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
