Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
