I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
